Wednesday 9 May 2012

Dream 47

Before I went to sleep, I meditated on the memory of my last previous dream, Dream 46 (follow link), willing myself not only to become lucid and recall my dream (as usual), but also to return to the situation in Dream 46. I felt that if I went back into this dream (albeit some days later), I would have more chance of realising I was in a dream state and becoming lucid. Indeed, my first memory of dreaming was a false awakening, although it felt real at the time and did not trigger lucidity. I was waking up in bed, in the same bedroom as that in Dream 46. However, N the dog was not with me and I could not see the monolith in the wardrobe. I was not aware I was still asleep and dreaming. My mobile phone rang. It was my mum. She told me CE had died of a heroin overdose. CE is a girl I know from my past. She is an unfortunate character who has suffered abuse her entire life due to her appearance, personality issues and drug/alcohol use. She has had her children removed from her care and has made some unusual lifestyle choices in recent times, but to my knowledge, is currently clean and sober and making the best of her situation. Admittedly I haven't been in touch with her recently. In the dream I felt guilty and shocked that she had died. I attributed real-life memories and knowledge of her life (she is on Facebook so I see her status updates) as reason for her sudden decision to return to intravenous drug use. In the dream my mum told me that it might be my fault and that I was a bad friend. In real-life we were not best friends, but we saw each other fairly regularly and trusted one another and I sympathised with some of her problems. However, since we had stopped regular communication, I had read her confession via Facebook, to an act which I thought was so intrinsically evil (it involved a dog) that I did not respond on a couple of subsequent occasions when she tried to make contact with me as I felt I might have to confront her on what she had done and was not ready to hear her justifications or excuses about it. in the dream I thought about this real-life situation. The phone call ended on a hostile tone. I do not remember exactly what was said, only that the conversation involved a discussion about CE and my feelings towards her, based on facts which are accurate in real-life. I was not standing by the bed, walking around. I went over to a small table in the corner of the room where a laptop was set up and switched on. My Facebook profile was already on the screen, logged in. CE had messaged me, saying: "Hiya! How are you?" I wondered if she wrote it before or after she died, or whether my mum had in fact been mistaken as to her dying after all.

I was then in a crowded canteen in university (not my actual university - I have many dreams which involve a university campus - perhaps because I am still a university student! I have done two undergraduate degrees, a masters degree and taken Bar exams and am currently studying for a PhD, so it's not surprising that a campus is a recurrent location in my dreams.Sometimes the campus is based on one of the two universities I am or have previously been in attendance at - York or UEA, but other times it is in a separate location, a familiar place which features in approximately half of all my dreams and appears to be a town, quite different to any I have ever lived in in real-life). I saw AKB, a girl I knew well in primary/high school, but have not seen in many many years. She was seated at a long bench in the busy room. I walked up to her and punched her straight in the face. I walked off quickly before I had a chance to see what happened. I then saw, seated at another table of people, ZP - someone I also knew in primary/high school but have not seen in many years. I punched her in the face also. I was then walking down a spiral staircase made of metal. It led from an exterior concrete walkway down to the ground level, a grassy field. I was with CW, another friend from school days who is now a police officer. I told her that I had assaulted AKB and ZP. She told me not to worry as her twin sister's boyfriend was a secret arms dealer who specialised in importing uzis. I asked her if this was M (this is her brother-in-law's name in real-life. I remembered in the dream that he is the proprietor of a shop in my home town also). She said it was. Halfway down the staircase, we stepped off onto another concrete walkway - on the exterior of the university buildings, like the balconies on high rise flats - and walked along it until we reached an area with patio tables and chairs. We sat down and had drinks. 

I then saw myself reflected in some dark glass. I was running on the spot, wearing a white vest. I saw my breasts bounce up and down as I moved. I watched this for a moment.

I was then in the Two Lifeboats Hotel (the hotel/pub in my hometown, where my mum was the manager and I worked as a teenager) in the restaurant area. Where the window would have been in real-life, was the blackboard advertising the specials (adjacent to the door into the bar). I was writing out a menu in chalk on the board, taking care to use my best handwriting - it was loopy and slanted to the right, in italics. I walked into the bar, where my mum was standing with two other females, AB and KC, both employees and family friends in real-life at that time. My mum told me I would be serving behind the bar. I was unhappy as I wanted to work as a waitress that evening. She said I couldn't do as I wanted and we argued. 

I was then in my bedroom again - that in scene 1, and Dream 46, not my real-life bedroom. I was aware PS was in the bathroom. In the dream, the bathroom was opposite the door to the bedroom. There was a normal white wall and door, but a section of the wall was cut out and there was a dark smoke-effect glass window, about a foot in width and running from ceiling to floor. I looked through the glass. PS was masturbating whilst sitting on the closed-seat toilet. He was holding a magazine. I waited and a moment later, I found myself walking into the bathroom. PS was no longer in there, although I do not recall that he walked out of the room. I saw the magazine sitting on the closed seat of the toilet. It was open on a page showing a full-page picture of Elisha Cuthbert. However, in the dream I knew her to be called 'Elisha Daschau'. She was wearing a a pair of white knickers and a blue cropped T-shirt. She had her arms raised above her head, so that the T-shirt had risen up to show the lower half of her naked chest.

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